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FSU unveils proof of Gators’ "FedEx-gate" conspiracy |
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by Glenn Danforth TALLAHASSEE, Fla. – Florida State football Coach Bobby Bowden took center stage Wednesday in the "he-said," "he-said," "Fed-Ex-gate" drama and promptly tripped over it. The 72-year-old Bowden, looking every bit his age, climbed the podium to begin a scheduled press conference, tripped over an untied shoelace and landed in the laps of reporters seated in the front row. Bowden, who was uninjured in the fall, seemed confused, and muttered "wide right, wide right" several times before aides slapped his face and helped him back onto the podium. Florida State officials called the press conference in order to unveil what they said was "proof that [Florida Gators Head Coach Ron] Zook and [Athletics Director Jeremy] Foley lied when they said they hadn’t sent overnight packages filled with negative press clippings about FSU via Federal Express to the homes of recruits who were yet to decide between the Gators and Seminoles." FSU released a series of 6 photographs (shown below) they claim show Zook and other members of the Gators organization involved in the actual delivery process along with a Fed Ex box addressed to one of the recruits. The following is an edited transcript of the press conference where Bowden discussed the photographs and the swirling rumors that he is battling senility and is no longer fit to coach: Bowden: Ya, Steve. Reporter: Coach, how did FSU obtain the photos? Bowden: When we heard about the negative things Zook was telling recruits about us we decided to hire a team of detectives to follow him and the top people on his staff. Ya, Ap, what’s your question. Reporter: It’s Jeff.
Bowden: Huh? What kind of question is that? Reporter: My name isn’t Ap, coach. Bowden: But that’s what it says on your shirt. Reporter: That’s AP coach, it stands for Associated Press. Bowden: You mean the guys who decide the National Champions? Reporter: Yes, coach. Bowden: Golly gee, it’s great to meet you. If you hang around after this I have a nice fat envelope I’d like to give you. So, what is your name? Reporter: I’m not interested in any envelopes. My name is Jeff, coach. Bowden: Well Jeffcoach, what is your question? Reporter: I’ve examined the photos and they look as if
they might have been doctored by someone such as a graphics or
photojournalism professor. Did you… Bowden: Awe shucks, Jeffcoach. Look around you. This isn’t the University of Florida. We don’t have perfessors with those kind of skills. We would have to pay a lot of money to have that done. Money that would have to come out of the booster’s fund we set aside for recruits. Reporter: Are you saying you have a fund to pay recruits? Bowden: Awe, golly Jeffcoach, now you know I wouldn’t say something like that. Jeepers. We would never give cash to a recruit. Reporter: How about their parents?
Bowden: Well, gosh darn it and golly gee, oh my, Jeffcoach. Shucks, that’s a wild accusation. You know better than that. If we gave these kids cash they would run right out and buy stuff like brand new cars. You’ll notice all the new players are driving used cars, Jeffcoach. Reporter: But they all have Mercedes, BMWs and Porsches. And one has a … Bowden: Well twiddle my toes and diddle Aunt Rose, Jeffcoach, those are all used. They are all 2001 and 2002 models… Reporter: What about the Rolls Royce I saw the kid from East… Bowden: Now listen here you little mother fu… um, ah… I mean, um, your little momma musta done told ya it isn’t neighborly to abuse the elderly … Reporter: About the Rolls, coach ... Bowden: Jeepers, Jeffcoach! The kid averaged 8.4 yards a carry last year. Someone else ask a question. You there, Billy Bob. Reporter: Those scum sucking, lying Gators are spreading
false rumors that you recruited
negatively, coach Bowden, sir, and now, with these incredible photos you
really got ‘em by the Bowden: Well, Billy Bob, I first want to thank you for your objective and unbiased question. It is nice to have an honest, fair reporter to deal with and I want to remind you to stop by my office later to pick up your envelope. While security escorts Mr. Jeffcoach from the grounds, let me try to answer you. Um. Golly gee and shucks. My administration never traded arms for hostages and any implication that I had any knowledge of … Reporter: Ah, coach, negative recruiting, remember? Bowden: Whoops. Sorry. This affair just has me plumb tuckered out. Yes, the negative recruiting stories are a bunch of, ah, let me check my book here, ah, they are, um, older than the mountains and got twice as much dust. Reporter: (Yelled from back of the room) What’s that book you are reading coach? It looks like it says "How to sound like a good ole boy." Bowden: It’s, awe shucks, it’s just notes. As I was saying, we don’t recruit negatively. Why would we? All we do is tell the truth and compare our program to Florida’s.
Reporter: Maybe you can enlighten these morons, um, I mean, my fellow unbiased journalists, as to what you tell the kids. Bowden: Thank you Billy Bob. I tell kids the facts. The kids will say Florida is one of Playboy magazine’s top-rated party schools but I ask them when they plan to party. Florida makes their kids go to classes. Even worse, I have it from a great source that they have to write their own papers and take their own tests! Why would I have to make stuff up? That’s as sorry as a two-dollar watch. Oh, ya, and golly gee gosh and, um, golly again. Or the kids will say Gainesville was named by Money magazine a few year’s back as America’s best place to live but I tell them that’s because of the incredibly low crime rate. They have good cops there and people who will actually rat out a football player. Can you believe that? Heck, goobers and peas and drop to your knees, they will kick a player off the squad for a lousy misdemeanor! I tell them a whistling woman and a crowing hen never comes to a very good end. If they come to FSU, they’ll be happy as a dead pig in the sunshine. Reporter: (from the back) And that works? Bowden: Oh, hi Ralph. Long time, no see. I’m glad to see you got past security and could join us. Of course that isn’t all I tell them. What I tell them is what they want to hear. They don’t want that "hard work, big dividends" speech the new guy gives them so, I do declare, the Gators have to resort to Fed Ex. That Zook is slicker than a chased greased hog. Reporter: Are you claiming you told the truth while Zook lied to recruits? Bowden: Well Ralph, dag gummit, sorta. That Zook fella just goes off half-cocked and fills these boys clear up to their follicles with fantasies about getting a degree and havin’ a future after football. Can ya believe that hogwash? He even told them they would be able to land a job after football ends without the help of one of the boosters. Ain’t that, um, hold on a second, um, ain’t that wild as a peach-orchard hog? Reporter: What does that mean coach, "wild as a peach-orchard hog?" Bowden: Um, ah, um… Let me see. Um. Wide right, wide right. Wapner, Wapner. Wide right…
T.K. Wetherell: (FSU President sitting to Bowden’s right) Now I’ve just about had it with all of your racist questions … Bowden: Wide right, wide right. Wide right. Wapner’s on, Wapner’s on. Dave Hart: (FSU Athletics director sitting to Bowden’s left) Coach Bowden is going to take a small break now as his nurses, um I mean, his administrative aides, take him for his afternoon, uh, his um, … his afternoon vitamin shot. Can I answer any questions in the meantime? Reporter: We’ve been hearing rumors that the coach is suffering from dementia and he often nods off in mid-sentence. It’s also been reported by several players that during some games this past season Coach Bowden propositioned them claiming to be Queen Nefertiti and saying they must produce an heir to the FSU football throne. In light of that, and what has happened here today, why do you keep him on as coach? Hart: Because I owe so much to Bobby Bowden. Reporter: With all due respect, don’t you think hurting the program out of loyalty for past performance is… Hart: (laughs) That’s not what I meant. I meant I owe him a ton of money. I’m into him for $2.8 million of my own money and if I fire him he’s gonna want me to pay up. Reporter: How did that happen? Hart: It’s a funny story actually. I lost it playing golf. Reporter: You bet Coach Bowden $2.8 million on a golf game? Hart: Oh no! Of course not. That would be insane. I lost $1,000 in the golf game. The rest came when Bobby generously offered to let me win it back and I ran into the worst string of luck in history. Reporter: Can you tell us more?
Hart: Sure. You know some of you like to pick on Bobby but he’s a kind and generous man. He bent over backwards to let me win back the money because he knew my pride wouldn’t allow me to accept him canceling the debt. So he waited for an easy game and suggested we bet on it and let me bet on FSU to win, straight up. Hell, my bookie had us at, um, I mean, I told Bobby that wouldn’t be fair to him. He just laughed and said, if it made me feel better, give him 100-1 odds. That way I would have something on the line. He’s such a caring fellow. I meant a lot to him to let me get out of his debt so, to make him feel better, I took the bet. And wouldn’t you know a huge rainstorm blew in and we lost to Louisville. What are the odds? Wetherell: (whisper picked up by microphones) I would bet he
knew exactly, that racist son of a ... Reporter: So, how did you lose the rest? Hart: Bobby felt just sick so he tried, as he said, his "dangdest," to let me win back my money and kept taking odds just so it wouldn’t seem like charity. The man is a saint! But, someone up there must have wanted to teach me a lesson because we lost the next two Bobby suggested we bet on, Notre Dame and North Carolina State, and by the time he suggested it again for the Sugar Bowl, I was $2.8 million in the hole and wasn’t about to try again. Wetherell: (whisper picked up by microphones) Son of a bitch nailed me for half a mil. Reporter: So, you are claiming the Gators did something unethical by Fed-Exing factual materials to recruits while Bobby Bowden has take you for … Bowden: (coughs loudly as he returns to podium) As I was saying before nature called, I’m not sure, I mean, I ain’t gosh darn sure Zook lied because I think he believes all the wacko stuff he tells these kids. After all, it’s no coincidence that Zook rhymes with kook! Reporter: Actually coach, it doesn’t.
Bowden: No? Reporter: It rhymes with hook. As in the rumors that your program plies recruits with booze and "Zookers." Bowden: Awe shucks, wide right, wide right, um, I never, um, gosh, golly gee, dang it all, jeepers, gosh … oh, I used that one already, um ... Reporter: Another way to remember it is this: Now that you’ve tried to ruin his reputation, I would say it’s a safe bet that your goose is "Zooked". Bowden: Security! Wide right, wide right… Hart: Thanks for coming and drive safely. Bowden: Wide right. Wapner wasn’t on, what happened to Wapner? Wapner wasn’t on. Wide left, wide left, wide right …
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