Horoscope for the Reality Impaired #2 - Glenn Danforth's Humor Factory

Humor Menu Main Page Saturdays At The Swamp Columns: Gators-Seminoles Virus Warning Mother-In-Law Hell Alien Pregnancy Peas & Parenthood Bambino's Curse Florida Christmas 1 Florida Christmas 2 Does it go with Fish? Horoscope for the Reality Impaired: Horoscope 1 Horoscope 2 Horoscope 3 Horoscope 4 Horoscope 5 Horoscope 6 Horoscope 7 Quizzes: Fightin' Irish Ready for College? Roommate Wanted Sexual Knowledge Video: Horoscope 1 Funny Photos: Kids My Strange Pals Animals Demon Alcohol Sexy Stuff Miscellaneous: Cartoon Collection Who is Responsible?	Aquarius (Jan. 21 - Feb. 18) You will meet the woman of your dreams. As usual, you will be sound asleep at the time.	Pisces (Feb. 19 - March 20) You will join weight watchers after the Pentagon notifies you that you have been showing up on satellite photos.

	Aries (March 21 - April 20) After filing a 7 million dollar sexual harassment suit against your employer, you will be hospitalized for psychiatric observation. It will take weeks to convince you that "sexual harassment" is actually masturbation when you're self employed.	Taurus (April 20 - May 20) After noticing enormous footprints by your bedroom window, you will call National Geographic to inform them that you may have discovered Big Foot. You will be disappointed after your wife confesses she's been having an affair with Shaquille O'Neil.

	Gemini (May 21 - June 21) You will continue to suffer phantom pain in your groin after a freak pole vaulting accident turns you into a eunuch.	Cancer (June 22 - July 22) While playing with your daughter's chemistry set you will achieve cold fusion. Then you'll draw a kitty on her etch-a-sketch.

	Leo (July 23 - Aug. 22) You'll wake up in a panic believing your new waterbed has sprung a leak. You will be relieved when you learn that your date has a bladder control problem.	Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22) You will think you are having a stroke after you only hear part of your 14-year-old daughter's statement that she is dating a Vietnamese boy who is named Huang Well.

	Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 23) You will beg your doctor to catheterize you so that you can drink an entire case of beer without ever missing another play during the Super Bowl.	Scorpio (Oct. 24 - Nov. 21) You will form a new religion after God speaks to you during a shopping trip to K-Mart. To honor the words the Lord spoke, you will call it the Church of the Blue Light Special.

	Sagittarius (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21) After years of crossing your eyes to get laughs, they will finally get stuck. Your mother will never stop saying "I told you so."	Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19) In an attempt to save time, you will dry your silverware in the microwave. You will be sucked into another dimension.