|
|
|
Horoscope for the Reality Impaired (#4) |
|
By Glenn Danforth |
|
|
|
Horoscope for the Reality Impaired (#4) |
|
By Glenn Danforth |
|
Humor Menu |
After years of menial jobs, you'll have a marketing brainstorm while cleaning out your refrigerator. You'll sell your home and invest every dollar into marketing Chia Meatloaf. |
To your immense relief, your therapist will inform you that screaming out your own name during sex does not make you an egomaniac since there is never anyone else in the room |
|
|
You will develop an allergy to oxygen. |
You will be arrested for stalking the Energizer Bunny. |
||
|
After having a near death experience, and feeling yourself being pulled towards a bright light, you will author a best-selling book which claims that when we die we turn into giant moths. |
You will be possessed by the ghost of Elvis. You will realize this after you begin eating dozens of fried peanut butter & banana sandwiches on which you sprinkle crushed Percodans. |
||
|
You will go on your first date in 6 months. It will end earlier than planned after your date develops a slow leak. |
You will suddenly develop agoraphobia which will make your being homeless even trickier. |
||
|
After taking an IQ test you will be relieved to learn that your friends were mistaken and that your IQ is actually above that of a geranium. |
Your son will join a gay street gang. They will terrorize your neighborhood by breaking into people's homes and redecorating them. |
||
|
In order to avoid jury duty, you'll join the French Foreign Legion. |
Police artist sketches of your brain will begin appearing on the back of milk cartons. |
||
Aquarius
Pisces
Aries
Taurus
Gemini
Cancer
Leo
Virgo
Libra
Scorpio
Sagittarius
Capricorn