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Horoscope for the Reality Impaired (#5) |
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By Glenn Danforth |
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Horoscope for the Reality Impaired (#5) |
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By Glenn Danforth |
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Humor Menu |
After spending hours searching for your lost house keys, you'll be relieved when you suddenly remember you're homeless. |
This month will find you having the greatest "bedroom" experience of your life when you find a dusty five dollar bill behind your dresser. |
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When the song "Sunday, Bloody Sunday" comes on the radio, the woman whom you've been dating for six weeks will turn to you and say, "I love U2." You'll never call her again. |
Your lifelong wish will come true this month when you finally get to see your name in print. It will take hours for your closest friends to calm you down by explaining the concept of phone books. |
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In the middle of a realistic, frightening dream you'll become a bit perturbed when you realize you aren't sleeping. |
During a camping trip you'll have your first experience with a waterbed after your pup-tent blows away during a torrential downpour. |
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Although you believed it impossible, you will experience an even more boring and uneventful month than usual. |
After a computer randomly picks your name from a list of all U.S. citizens, you'll be the next person to get their own TV talk show. |
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The president will call to offer you a position on the U.S. Supreme Court but you won't hear the phone ringing over the sound of your vacuum cleaner. |
When Ed McMahon unexpectedly shows up at your door, you'll joyfully run to the phone and tell your boss what you really think of her. Being lost, Ed will ask you for directions and leave. |
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You will receive a phone call. It will be the wrong number. |
For the first time in 12 years you will miss this month's Ku Klux Klan meeting after your wife washes your robe with the color wash and it comes out pink. |
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Aquarius
Pisces
Aries
Taurus
Gemini
Cancer
Leo
Virgo
Libra
Scorpio
Sagittarius
Capricorn