Horoscope for the Reality Impaired #6 - Glenn Danforth's Humor Factory


Humor Menu Main Page Saturdays At The Swamp Columns: Gators-Seminoles Virus Warning Mother-In-Law Hell Alien Pregnancy Peas & Parenthood Bambino's Curse Florida Christmas 1 Florida Christmas 2 Does it go with Fish? Horoscope for the Reality Impaired: Horoscope 1 Horoscope 2 Horoscope 3 Horoscope 4 Horoscope 5 Horoscope 6 Horoscope 7 Quizzes: Fightin' Irish Ready for College? Roommate Wanted Sexual Knowledge Video: Horoscope 1 Funny Photos: Kids My Strange Pals Animals Demon Alcohol Sexy Stuff Miscellaneous: Cartoon Collection Who is Responsible?	Aquarius (Jan. 21 - Feb. 18) You will take a long and exotic trip this month. Or then again, maybe you won't.	Pisces (Feb. 19 - March 20) Your brand new Porsche' convertible will be crushed by a huge chunk of falling space debris.

	Aries (March 21 - April 20) After being convicted of a parking violation in Singapore, your son will be forced to play goalie for a nude hockey team.	Taurus (April 20 - May 20) As a desperate attempt to jump start your floundering art career you'll cut off your ear and mail it to Jodi Foster.

	Gemini (May 21 - June 21) You will have a brief, yet intense encounter with a tall, dark, handsome stranger who'll ask, "would you like fries with that?"	Cancer (June 22 - July 22) You will spend hours onboard an alien spacecraft undergoing painful medical experiments. You will consider changing travel agencies.

	Leo (July 23 - Aug. 22) After years of trying, your prayers will be answered when you match all 6 numbers and win the 10 million dollar lottery. The immense thrill will lessen a bit when you learn that you must split the prize with 9,999,999 other people who also picked the correct numbers.	Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22) After dining at a Chinese restaurant you will receive a fortune cookie that will give you what you perceive to be a religious message. It will say "after such a string of good luck you should spend more time on your knees." Within hours you'll understand as you're hit with a major case of food poisoning.

	Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 23) As a political statement you will convert to Judaism and have your name legally changed to Yassir.	Scorpio (Oct. 24 - Nov. 21) You will have a near death experience while being trapped in an elevator with Rush Limbaugh for six hours.

	Sagittarius (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21) The greatest opportunity of your lifetime will come knocking this month, but you won't answer it due to an overwhelming fear of Jehova's Witnesses.	Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19) You will be shocked to learn that you were switched at birth with your identical twin, and you've spent your entire life mistakenly being called by your sibling's first name.