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Horoscope for the Reality Impaired (#7) |
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By Glenn Danforth |
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Horoscope for the Reality Impaired (#7) |
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By Glenn Danforth |
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Humor Menu |
Fearing that the word "strike" might prove too divisive, you will try to convince major league baseball to change the count to "balls and near misses". |
You will create quite a stir at the mall after two of your 34 personalities get married and consummate their love on the counter at the Orange Julius stand. |
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You will miss a crucial job interview after getting stuck to the ceiling because your spouse forgot to pay the gravity bill. |
You will miss a crucial job interview after getting stuck to the ceiling because your spouse forgot to pay the gravity bill. |
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Your husband will be hospitalized for severe depression after misplacing his universal remote control. |
Animal rights activists will splash you with fake blood after mistaking your unshaven legs for fur sweat pants. |
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Your friends will suggest you may be getting too emotionally involved with your computer after you dress your keyboard in a mini-skirt. |
You will find something in your mailbox. It will be a rectangular shape, have a flap and seem to be made of white paper. |
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You will win an all expense paid trip to your next door neighbor's house. |
You will be seriously injured in a freak Wonder Bra accident. |
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To impress the new, politically correct woman in your life, you'll begin a petition drive to change the name of your favorite baseball team to the San Francisco Vertically Challenged. |
After winning this year's Mr. Fascist competition in Atlantic City, you will spark a major controversy by claiming that Jesse Helms did not deserve to win the swimsuit competition. |
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